Role playing, GR style
by Delora2047
Summary: The Galaxy Rangers try out role-playing, with predictably unpredictable results.


_Disclaimer: 'The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers' is copyrighted by Hearst Entertainment, Inc._

_This is a work of fanfiction and I make no profit of it._

_Author's note: To better understand some aspects of this story, visit __www dot lindt dot com___

* * *

One quiet evening on Granna, a team of Galaxy Rangers, some seasoned, some cadets, are trying to beat the boredom of a mission on which nothing happens.

"And there it is looming in front of you, the dark drawbridge to the evil sorcerer's dungeon. It is lined by black statues of gargoyles and you remember the stories your grandmother told you about these monsters becoming alive at night..."

"I don't have a grandmother. I was bred..."

"Goose," Niko interrupts her colleague, "you're playing a fictional character. You do have a grandmother." She looks at the sheet of paper in front of him.

"Actually, you also have ten siblings, and that's why you became a mercenary to help support them."

"My siblings can look after themselves!"

"Gooseman," Zachary interrupts, "Cadet Stonebrook was so kind as to lend us the role-playing characters of her group. You do have a grandmother and you are selling your sword skills to support your siblings!"

Goose grumbles something unintelligible.

"Go on, please, Cadet Stonebrook," Zachary encourages the young woman who has taken it upon herself to see the S5 through a session of 'New Dungeons and New Dragons'.

"All right, the drawbridge with its gargoyles is looming in front of you, and you remember all the tales you have heard about blood sucking monsters that turn to stone only during the day. The light glisters on their fangs that appear all too real in the gloomy..."

"Niko, do you have a rope?" Zachary interrupts again.

Niko quickly glances onto her character's equipment sheet.

"My name is Elistrea, and yes, I bought a rope in the last marketplace before the Haunted Forest."

"You're a bard -- what do you need a rope for?" Doc asks, incredulous.

Niko arches an eyebrow.

"To captivate my audience?"

"You're a priest of the Death God and you're under a vow of silence," Goose testily reminds his colleague.

"You're mercenary code of honor forbids you to remind me of that!"

"There's no such paragraph. I'm only obliged to care for widows and orphans."

"Stop arguing. We're going down the canyon," Zachary commands. "Is there any tree where we can tie the rope?"

"Huh?" Stonebrook awakens from her drowsing in which she has sunk during the S5 rangers' bickering.

"Ahm, you know, the drawbridge isn't all that gloomy, and the gargoyles are really tasteful works of art, and the dark castle looks totally inviting, but the canyon is looming deep and bottomless..."

"Goose, you give us cover while we're climbing."

"Understood, Captain."

"Ahm, Captain, at the risk of angering the Holy God of Silence and all that, but why don't we take the drawbridge if it looks so comfortable?"

"Do you remember any bridge over a lonely canyon that didn't explode or collapse while we were crossing it?"

There is nothing Doc can say against this flawless logic.

"Ahm, okay, so you have climbed down the canyon and at the bottom, there is a horde of 20 Orks."

"I'm offering them membership in the League of Planets," Zachary replies solemnly.

"I mean the League of..." He rummages through his notes. "The League of C'rk'zr'sshrrr..." He gives up pronouncing it. "---whatever."

"They're not interested, and they are rattling their sabers and -- actually they look as though they want to have you for dinner," Stonebrook explains.

"We're gonna have their hide," Goose cries belligerently.

"Goose, wait." Niko places a calming hand on her colleague's arm before he can throw the battle die.

"First, I'm throwing some pebbles at them."

"Huh?" Stonebrook becomes even more perplexed.

"I've been fooled by illusion-casting sorcerers one too many times."

"The Orks appear solid and, hmm, angry."

"Get cover. I'm using the thunderbolt."

"Ahm, Zach you're an earth priestess of the lizard people. I don't think you have a thunderbolt," Doc reminds his Captain.

"I'm trying to get my rope back," Elistrea shouts.

"Despite your firm pull, it remains where you have securely fastened it," Stonebrook declares.

"I'm using my telekinetic abilities then." Niko looks onto her sheet. "There is a spell for that."

"All right, please do a telekinetics trial with a penalty of 80."

"What?!? It's only a rope. I can lift that easily." To lend strength to her words, Niko gives a mental tug to one of the ropes holding the curtains back. It comes compliantly floating into her hands and ties itself into a bow.

By now Stonebrook is getting used to her audience and looks only slightly upset.

"Ahm, okay, but the Orks are firing arrows at you and…" Stonebrook throws a set of dies. "…one has hit your leather armor."

"I'm covering her with my shield," Goose yells.

Meanwhile, Zachary and Doc are conferring over the sheets with their characters' abilities.

"Doc, do you think you can tweak that ritual to make them sleep so that it works faster than within half an hour?"

"I'm not sure, my Captain. I could try to convince the Orks that they are only the henchmen for the main system, ah, sorcerer, and maybe they will defect then, but they don't seem very talkative and I don't speak Orkish."

"I do," Goose shouts, "cover Niko while I 'talk' to them."

With those words, he unfastens his battle ax and charges toward the Orks.

"Crawl back to the caves where you came from!!!"

"I draw my rapier and join him," Doc cries. He falters when he looks at his equipment sheet. "I only have a dagger? Don't they teach fencing at the Death God's temple?"

Zachary is valiantly covering Niko with Goose's shield while she is trying to make the rope come loose from the tree where they have tied it. After she has thrown the die for the third time, the rope comes obediently into her hands.

"I make it into a lasso and throw it at the Orks," she declares.

"Okay, let's see." Stonebrook throws her dice. "You actually capture one big Ork, who seems to be their shaman, and he doesn't seem to like your lasso, because he comes running towards you."

"Actually, what do these Orks look like?" Doc interrupts.

"Uhm, well, a bit like a cross between a black bear and scarecrow," Stonebrook replies.

"Scarecrow?" Niko asks, alarmed. "I draw my sword and dagger and run toward this shaman to fight him! I also throw all my grenades, I mean magic light explosion stones, at him!"

"Now let's see how the battle goes!" Stonebrook announces and throws her ominous dice.

"You…" She points at Goose. "…have taken out three of the 13 Orks attacking you, but they have gotten through your armor, and you're bleeding from a shoulder wound and it doesn't heal automatically."

Goose growls something unintelligible.

"You…" She points at Zachary and Doc. "…have been buried under a stone avalanche the Orks' backup has slid down the gorge. But you're still alive and breathing although a bit hurt."

"You…" She points at Niko. "…are fighting the shaman's three shadow souls. They don't have psycho crystals to rip out, and they reform whenever you split them with your sword or dagger and they can hurt you."

Niko mutters something incomprehensible but decidedly unfriendly under her breath.

"The remaining seven Orks are chanting 'Ugah! Ugah, ka!'" Stonebrook continues.

"Come, dragon, come?" Niko inquires.

"Ahm, yes. Do you really speak Orkish or did you read my thoughts?"

Niko shrugs. "Neither. It was just the most probable conclusion."

"Niko, can you do a distance-healing spell on me?" Goose asks while taking out two more Orks and dodging the sabers of his remaining eight foes. "The blood loss is getting to me."

"Sorry, Goose, I'm kind of busy here. Can you see any power center that I could destroy?" Niko replies while valiantly but fruitlessly hacking at the shadows in front of her.

"Try anything gleaming or pink!"

Unfortunately, one of the Orks has brought his wife, and she shoots Goose with a poison dart so that he cannot elaborate.

"We're doomed," Doc cries from under the stone heap where his role-playing character is buried.

"Maybe we should have taken the bridge," Zachary mutters, always willing to learn from his mistakes.

Niko is the last one who remains standing.

"I throw up a psychic shield, I mean, barrier against 20 damage points, and take the vial with the elixir of life out of my bag."

"Okay, the barrier holds, but you're too far away from mercenary Coran to reach him, and the remaining eight Orks are approaching you. The Ork shaman is ogling you and the elixir of life greedily."

"I throw the vial at the Ork shaman."

"What?"

"Does he catch it?"

"Ahm, yes."

"Okay, as soon as he is distracted, I knock him out with my staff."

"Wow, I mean, that works but the vial breaks."

"What are the other Orks doing?"

"They're fleeing now that their leader is down."

"Good."

"We made it," Doc cries enthusiastically.

"Not quite," Stonebrook corrects him, "the dragon is approaching you."

"Guys, you take care of the dragon, I need to heal Goose," Niko orders and Elistrea darts away to help Coran.

"We're still buried under stones," Doc complains.

"The dragon keeps approaching," Stonebrook reminds them.

"What does it look like?" Doc asks.

"It's a lindworm, so it is big and green with wings and plenty of sharp teeth and breathing fire."

"I hope that it brushes its teeth," Doc mutters, "or at least uses mouthwash."

"Guys, I'm proud to have been allowed to role-play with you," Zachary announces gravely.

"Don't give up!" Goose, who has been healed by Niko, urges. "There is one thing left that we can try."

"The Forbidden Spell?" Zachary asks, "but we only have three parts of the scroll."

Goose shakes his head. "The amulet that sorceress in the Haunted Forest gave me is the catalyst."

"You're not supposed to figure that out until the end of the campaign!" Stonebrook shouts indignantly.

"You talked to her!" Niko is glaring daggers at Goose.

"It's not like I had a choice. She dragged me into that tree and tied me up with magic ropes."

"I'll teach you how to resist," Niko threatens.

"Don't argue now," Zachary orders. "Niko, can you cast the spell and draw power from us for it?"

"I can try, but I'm not sure whether I have the experience to do it properly. Besides…" She glares at Goose again. "…no one is allowed to leave the formation."

"Niko, do your best," Zachary commands and the Galaxy Rangers clasp hands, prepared to die or be victorious.

Niko recites the magic words and Stonebrook throws the magic dice.

They fall on exactly 100.

"I can't believe this," Stonebrook cries.

"It worked. Or almost. Or rather it failed so badly that it worked."

She looks into her book to see the effect of 100.

"You turned the lindworm into a Lindt-worm and it's melting from its own heat!"

"Can we have a chocolate fondue then?" Doc asks gleefully.


End file.
